i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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