i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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