the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
