so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
