fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Drunk is a universal language darling
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
