I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
