We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
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Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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