I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
