I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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