dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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