Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
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doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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