well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
