i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
