remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
