The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
