sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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