my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
