R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
