the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
