Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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