could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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