found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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