I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
