You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
