considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
