Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
