honey bunches of taint.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
