Fuck appropriateness.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
