Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
