Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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