im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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