From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
