You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
