i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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