I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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