I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
