yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
