$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
