were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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