since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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