im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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