Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
