Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
