The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
