The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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