I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
