I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
