Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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