Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
