i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
