I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
