there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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