I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
