It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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