Apparently you make a good broom.
the condom got lost in my hair
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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