I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
