We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize