I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
