i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
