also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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