I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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