I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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