I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
