What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
