she was so not down for the gang bang
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
