new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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