literally had 100 drinks last night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
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i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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