it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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