Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize